Not asleep but awake.

If there is anyone still out there...I apologize.

Apart from a few friends that have been 'poking' me on Facebook, urging me to blog, I am sure that have lost touch with the hip hot mommas in blogland.

I certainly feel disconnected.

I know I have barely had time to lurk on all of my favourite blogs these days. As far as I know, most of you could have given birth to one, two, or more children since I last checked in.

So, if you do pop by...Let me know what the word on the street is.
You know, let me in on the gossip.

I don't know where to begin... Do we want specifics such as weight gain, pregnancy symptoms and belly shots? Or details on my emotional life? Family life? My glamorous career? Perhaps a sexy Crohns update? Or an just a plain sexy one? Sorry ladies -nothing to report there.

Maybe a list-ish type post that I can pretend is poetic would be most appropriate. That way I don't have to use proper grammar or punctuation.
I can just ease my way back into literacy. Slowly.

I am still pregnant.
I am joyous about meeting the new addition to our family but ever so panicked about: leaving my job (more on that later),
being a mom to two kids (one that is tiny and one that is tantrum-y),
losing more of the man formerly know as husband, now known as Dad,
losing more of my grip on reality, my sanity,
not sleeping.
not sleeping.
not sleeping.

We've got names we like, names we joke about, and names for the dozen or more kids we'll never have.

Because I am pretty sure that this will be our last baby.

Because I love my job.
Because I love sleeping.
Because I have have a potty mouth, small amounts of patience and,sadly, the womanly arts are a mystery to me.

But then,

She tells me she loves me
And writes me love notes.

She tells me I am her best friend
And listens to your heart beat through a toilet paper tube.

And somehow, even though I am exhausted, emotionally drained and slightly disconnected; We have survived the first day of my maternity leave.

We have had one tantrum an hour. each.
We have made cobbler, gone to the park and read about 159 stories.

We have played together
And cried together.

And...

Along with a lot of fuss and bother
We have made magic.


Then,

I remember how she came to me.
How long I waited for her to cross through time and life times to reach me
to teach me about being a mother.
How to be her mother.
Ruby.

And how you now,
New one,
Tiny one.

Belly Star.

Were born so very far from here.
A tiny light in the night sky.
A star.

Shiny and new.

Traveling at the speed of light.
In order to meet us
Here on earth.
For the first time.

To teach us.
Again.
About life.

About how to see this life
With wide open eyes.

For the first time.

Not asleep.
But awake.


And, full of wonder, I realize:

For the second time...
We have made magic.
.