My dear friend kgirl has set my mind to thinking yet again. Thinking about personas. About the layers we have... our personality types, character traits, quirks, faults, passions and inspirations. About who we are in our lives as women, lovers, friends. About who we are at home, at work and who we are on the world wide web vs who we are in the whole wide world.
Of course, as it always does these days, my mind came full circle back to motherhood. How all of our layers-all of the spirit, baggage, detritus, guts, love and light that make up who we are- affect how we mother. After all, the role of Mom is probably the main character, never mind character trait, that many of us will play in our life times.
So am I playing the role of mom how I thought I would? Am I giving a convincing performance? In my role of mom will I be a good role model?
There are such a variety of parenting styles out there. Each with enough research, praise and shit talk backing it all to drive a thinking woman mad. Of course, in our rational moments, us moms know that it's all about balance and what works for our child is what's right for us. But there's always the guilt, the what if wonderings and the late night surreptitious forays onto the Internet. What are other moms saying? doing? What does Dr. Google think? Should I think that way too?
Ultimately over the years we will become seasoned and this very special layer of who we are will become shiny and confident.
As I grow and learn, I will cherish each experience, heartache, mistake and milestone... as my mom layer blossoms.
I will watch what I thought I would do or think...
give way to the reality that is my life as a mom.
and a dancer. a writer. a teacher. lover. friend.
a foul mouthed trucker wanna be. an inspired, soul searching dreamer.
cotton underpants wearing. flannel enthusiast.
sensual, emotional being.
irrational. rebellious. cautious.
thoughtful, thankful. tired
experience.
energy.
and on and on...
Layers upon beautiful layers of who I have been, who I am and who I will become...
Now that I am Ruby's Mom.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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4 comments:
great post!
love you, my trucker wanna-be, cotton undie wearing, maker of gorgeous babies, gin and tonic drinkin' friend.
(since the first moment you came over to scowl at me ;)
Great post. I have to say the best compliment I have received from my DH is when he told me that I'm a great mom to our 8-year-old daughter. He said this a few years ago and I've never forgotten it. I do find it odd though that sometimes I stop what I'm doing and realize that I'm a mom. I'm so amazed that it happened and will be happening again that I'm shocked to my core.
Oh the guilt and the Dr. Google find-a-perfect-solution-to-everything-affiction.
The pressure or desire to be super mum but not to lose your personality... to be young and hip, and yummy... to not make mistakes like previous generations, to still be fun and have a great career... to always be positive.
I love your layers Lisa every one of them right down to the cotton hanes.... :)
and am so happy I can peel back and share some of my not-so-pretty-don't-want-to-show-them-to-everyone layers with you.
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