Girls Gone Domestic

Preggie Kata, Andrea, Leta and Zaydi.


One with me.
Val and Jonas
Preggie Reesh and Lily, Val and Jonas

My Apprenticeship

You may have guessed by now, that sadly, I am not pregnant again this month.

Despite my lubey sensations, acupuncture, Metformin and copious amounts of love and doin' it, no baby was conceived this cycle. Right now, I am powering through my blood and cramps, looking forward to my specialist appointment on the 17th of April and getting pumped up to give it another go this month. I don't think I even cried.

Oh wait, I did.
We both did.
On our vacation. More on that to follow.
And, I may have lashed out, just the tiniest bit, at one of my dearest sweetest friends. More on that to follow too.

First.

The vacation was awesome. It was the perfect combination of surfing in the waves of the frigid Pacific Ocean and lying in a big hotel bed staring at the waves of the frigid Pacific Ocean. We ate at all of our favourite spots, snuggled and talked a lot. We stalked cute gumbooted families and explored the shore. We played the What if... game and doodled our dream houses on napkins. We watched a TV show about how porcupines mate and cried when I got my period. We spent money we don't have and read wonderful books. We did sudoku. We peed in our wet suits. It was Bliss.

Second.

I had a couple of girly sleepovers this week and several girly days. It's been gossip central... Practically The Vagina Monologues. No wonder my husband has been hiding in the basement with his guitars. Even I admit, my jaw is sore. I have decided to label these last few days... My Apprenticeship. I say this with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek because I have spent the last 2 and half days visiting and chatting with friends, admiring their pregnant bellies and their ridiculously cute offspring. I have participated, quite willingly, in hours of momma, baby and preggie talk. And they, to be fair, have listened to quite a bit of my infertility woes.

The lashing out happened last night. Andrea, a lovely girl, and long time friend, told me that I needed to "Just Relax" in order to get pregnant. Now, this advice was coming from a good, pure place.

I know it.

However, I told her that hearing her say it made me so angry, frustrated and hurt that I wanted to, and I quote "punch you in the head right now!" This outburst was fueled by the previous girls night's worth of "Have you tried thises" and "It'll happens."

Needless to say, I was mortified with myself and I phoned her two times to apologize. I tried to explain to her that when people say that all I need to do is relax it makes me feel like It is my fault that I am not pregnant. It makes me feel that everything I've been doing to secure a future with a family is useless.

Speaking of useless...It'll happen? I am definitely sick of this one! Especially since I've been giving myself the same flaccid, limply hopeful advice, day in and day out, for the last 18 months... Can't we all get a little more creative with our cheer leading yo?

Or perhaps even change the subject for a second already!


On that note, I definitely had a theme going with the money spending this week. After coming home from Tofino, I decided to continue pretending that I was rich by spending the day at a spa with my Kata on Wednesday.

If I can't be pregnant at least I can have pretty toes.

Surf's up!

Tomorrow we are off to rekindle the love on our Second Annual Spring Surf and Snuggle trip.

The FurBaby is going to his grandparents house and we are heading to Tofino for three sleeps to surf, snog, read good books, storm watch, devour great food, and, if I get my dreaded period, get sauced.

We stay right at the beach, which is nice because if it's too stormy or we're too cozy, we can watch the waves crash from under the warm comfort of our duvet.

Now for the ttc update. Today is cycle day 27, to early for flow by my standards, and the only tell tale sign of impending doom is some severe grumpiness on my part. I'm telling myself it's not pms it's just pre-spring-break burnout. Have I ever told you I teach 14 year olds? It's awesome. It's not easy, but it's awesome. Anyhow, apart from my moods, there is no indication either way of what may or may not be happening in my womb this cycle.

I talked to both my Acupuncturist and my regular Doctor about this month's fertility signs and they seemed hopeful. They, both women, think the EWCM is a more important sign than my temperature. Because although I did have some promising CM this month, I did not experience the classic rise in temperature after my dip.

I had acupuncture on Thursday and my session was focused on supporting what may be happening in my womb. It was hard not to get my hopes up. Also, I've been fantasising that while the Hubster was away in England, he built up a fleet of hearty swimmers. Swimmers, that upon release, charged by the quadrillion directly towards my warm, homey place where our special baby would be made.

When we return from our romantic sojourn, I will either have sad news of another unfruitful cycle or perhaps I will have hopeful news of a late period and a potential pregnancy to speculate about with you all!

Wouldn't that be fun?

Speaking of fun, next week I am going to the spa with my kata to ogle her pregnant belly and have my toes done. And, I am going with Reesh and Lily to Quadra Island. We're going to visit the gorgeous Valerye and meet her sweet Jonas for the first time. Exciting!

If all this relaxing, sexy-time and womanly (and baby) bonding doesn't get me knocked up... I've got my next specialist's appointment on April 17th.

Here's hoping...

Did I Ovulate?

You know that feeling you get when you have no idea what the flip is going on? That is exactly the point I am at with my body these days.

I mean, did I ovulate or not?
Lets review shall we?

Warning: Detailed Cervical Mucus discussion included!

First the temperatures: Hovering between 36.30 and 36.50 until cycle day 14. Then dropped to 36.20 on day 15, 36.10 on day 16 and then raised slightly to 36.30 and 36.25 on day 17 and 18 respectively. Now, yesterday I was at 36.40 and today 36.50. Does this sound promising? Anyone?

I'm confused. Even though I've read a million books on the subject, I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I think I'm looking for a sustained raise in temperature at or above the 36.50 range.

Cervical Mucus. Okay. Now to be very frank I did experience some cervical mucus this month. Deep breath. Now, I don't want you all to get too excited because I'm not sure if it was good quality, or quantity for that matter, because this juiciness is still new to me at this point. The sensation came around day 14 and developed to a promising consistency around day 16 and 17. In general, I've been feeling a lot more 'lubey' lately. Could be 'cause me sweet little Hubster was away for a week and I'm sure glad he's home. Wink Wink.

To be safe, I insisted on baby making attempts on days 14 through 17 with one for good luck on day 19. I might suggest an extra effort this weekend, if I can get away with it.

I'm almost letting myself believe that it is possible that we could have made one this month. But, I don't want to get my hopes up too high. I suppose it's a little like a two week wait, with an added two week wonder...did I ovulate or didn't I?

In any case, here's hoping....

Vitamin G

Every once and a while someone tells you a fabulous secret. A sweet and tasty little morsel that is so big and juicy that it keeps you going for a long, long while.

I have been the keeper of such a secret for the last two, ridiculously long, months.

Well ladies and gents, the moment me and my loud mouth have been waiting for has arrived...this piece of gossip has officially reached its maturation date and I am now allowed to let the cat out of the bag:

My best friend is pregnant!

For those of you who know me in real life that friend is Kata! My sweet little Kata is pregnant! Can you believe it? For those of you in Blogland this may not be super thrilling information but the whole ordeal has had quite an effect on me.

First of all, I found out about this pregnancy the day I had my HSG, see pain in the hoo hoo , and I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. I couldn't even write about it on my blog because I had recently told sweet Kata all about my little fetish with Blogland. My first and lasting feeling about my friend's pregnancy is pure joy. I have known her since we were 10 years old. We used to ride bikes, buy candy and make prank calls. We've travelled together, lived together and been each other's maid of honour. I know this all sounds like a low budget chick flick... but I love this girl.

I am filled with happiness and wonder because Kata being pregnant is the closet thing to me being pregnant that there is.

On a cheeky note, I am happy to have her experience pregnancy first, because she is telling me all the little details and I am soaking them up like a sponge. Also, I am glad she and her wonderful husband are having children because part of me secretly feared that the Hubster and I would be tied down with a mortgage and 2 or 3 nasty, filthy, little kids while she traveled the world without me, all sexy, glamorous and free!

I have a very active imagination. Hey! I am a Drama teacher after all...

Don't think for one minute that all this joy overpowered any of my sappy "I want a baby" episodes. Oh no. After our conversation on the 23rd of January, I put down the phone and balled my fricken' eyes out! I mean it only took her 2 months to conceive! What the FUCK? Don't worry, I still love you Kata, but seriously folks, what the fuck? I mean I'm going on 19 months here. Throw me a freaking bone already! Were is our baby?

So. yes, I have been a tad emotional from time to time. And, I really did mean it a few posts ago when I said everyone we know is pregnant. I have no less than seven pregnant friends right now, most of them haven't even been 'trying' that long - and my gorgeous friend Valerye just gave birth to her fist child a week ago. I am still at the stage with my infertility where I can be proud and happy for my preggie friends. But, I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't hurt. It does. My little heart gets so heavy and sad sometimes that all I can do is cry.

Fertility round up for me so far this cycle:

-Currently day 14
- No sign of ovulation to date.
- Chinese herbs - check
-Sugar -still banned and going strong
-acupuncture -next week again
-Metformin -check
-Exercise-check (aerobics, jogging, Bikram -just once I swear)
-Stress- normal considering I just cast our school play
-Self Esteem- good due to no sugar sized body and new haircut.
-Sperm - check. No wait... Where is my husband?

The Hubster has been in England for a week because his Nana, Ruby, passed away last Sunday. It has been a very emotional time for his family. Although I miss him, I think he did right by everyone to go. His nurturing skills were needed and greatly appreciated in North Lew.

I don't believe we've missed our magical baby making window this month but his being away has caused several small breakdowns. The kind of breakdowns where I start to cry at a commercial with a baby on it and there's no one to snuggle me better. Nothing too crazy.

My biggest breakdown this week has been over my friend Reesh's What's in a name? post. It turns out that she and I both have a love for the girl name Ruby. After talking to her on the phone and leaving a highly charged emotional comment on her post ... I feel a little bit better. I hope she still loves me. Like I said, I tend to fixate on these things and have been known to be a tad emotional at times...