Exhale.Breathe.
Smile.
The Holiday Season has arrived! The best part of which is that my chosen profession secures the next two weeks as hard core family time! Of course, our definition of vacation is walking to get coffees, hitting the library and chillin' at home (which we'd probably do if we were rich anyhow) but I would not trade this low budget time together for anything.
I miss my Ruby.
I always thought that I would go back to work after my year of maternity leave yet for some reason when September snuck up on me... I was shocked, unprepared and more than a little sad about it. The magical world I had created with my amazing little girl was about to change forever. And, in many ways...will never be the same again.
The fall was blustery.Mostly positive but so very busy. I tread water just as fast as I could to keep up with the dizzying reality that is being a mom and going to work. My job this fall was new too. Totally awesome, but totally new. So, I couldn't just quietly slip back in to my old routine and run on auto pilot and caffeine. Thank Goodness for my Hubster, working three days a week this year so Ruby doesn't need to go to daycare. We're a little more MasterCard and a little less paycheck these days but we figure...who isn't? Besides, these moments are so very precious. It is a bit difficult to take a step back from being the primary caregiver. And, although it makes my heart smile to see Ruby and her Daddy so happy together, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous.
Ruby is very excited about Christmas but she does still talk a great deal about Halloween. She confuses the two. Perhaps it's because we let her decorate the Christmas tree in her Halloween costume?
In addition to life and its offerings of love, adventure and silliness. I have recently been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. Not too terrible but not exactly an insignificant event either. A myriad of test revealed a few unfavourable aspects of my intestines...And, after reading a million books, Lisalou style, I am starting to come to terms. I also realise the sooner I get to the point where I can say- it's not my fault- and mean it- the better.So that lady in the summer that thought I was pregnant- oops-not a baby but a bout of inflamed intestines. Insomnia- connected. Tiredness. Anemia. Pain. Bathroom Issues. etc...All so, so sexy and so, so connected.
Perhaps most unsettling, for me, is the fact that I need to take drugs- which isn't really my type of thing. I said what if I don't want to take drugs. " Then we can remove your intestines and you can become bowel disabled."
Nice.
So no.
Surgery not sexy-not really a great second option at this time. I longed to hear about a for sure dietary solution but it seems there are more conflicting ideas out there about that than there were on my whole infertility freak show. And we all remember the products, regimens, treatments magic potions and spells I tried during those desperate times.
Lets get to the point- never mind the whole chronic illness thing. We've all got something right? The part that I am obsessing about right now, perhaps because it's not as scary, but probably because I am vain....is that weight gain is a side effect of the drugs I am on.
NOT an option. We're talking I have been feeling a little bit like my old self for a matter of weeks only. Probably I could count the days that I've looked in a mirror and thought: yes. that's what I look like...and not wanted to hide. My self confidence is returning and I feel my sassyness bubbling up inside. I am wearing clothes that feel like me. I feel cute, almost sexy, in the right light.
Anyhow... what will be will be.
Right now we are all healthy, happy, together and blessed.
I vent because I know you ladies are always here for me.
Back to Ruby. She 18 months. She is wonderful.I love her so much it frightens me.
She gives kisses, colours and manipulates.
She uses manners and cuss words.
She smiles, karate chops and reads.
She throws food on the floor and "cooks" us soup.
She plays with nail polish and drum kits.
She sings.
She laughs.
I laugh too.
I sing.
I love.
I love you my Rubylou.
